That's right, Nyquil is a lying whore. I have a hideous head cold today so I thought, "Gee, I'll hang out with my old friend, Nyquil, and I'll get lots of rest and feel like rainbows and kittens by this afternoon."
That sly, sneaky lying cunt seduced me with tiny head rushes, cool trippy vision, and the cessation of the rampant fluid discharge from my face holes.
All the while, she whispered in my ear, things like:
"You want to clean the house."
"You really want to wash all the curtains. Look how dirty they are."
"That bathroom is small, you can clean the entire thing in 20 minutes."
"You should cook your man a delicious meal tonight. He works so hard and he even brought ME home."
"Wow, look at those dishes piling up. You should really do those."
So, I listened to and followed her suggestions with the trusting heart of a toddler.
Now, Nyquil is gone, nowhere to be found, and I'm miserable, alone, and sicker than ever.
That's okay though, that bitch can stay gone...I've got a new romance in my glass...
Vodka never lies.